"There's a monstrous killer churning up the sea... Tintorera ...Tiger Shark"
What? There are even more killer shark flicks for Sinful Celluloid’s Craptacular Shark Week? God yes! Moving right along, we are going to jump from Italy to Mexico with 1977’s Tintorera! Is this movie better than our previous two Shark flicks? It depends on what you want. This flick has non-stop sex, nudity, some gore and Celluloid Sinners Susan George, Fiona Lewis, and even Priscilla (Terri from Three’s Company) Barnes…yes please! Oh, and there’s a shark too. Yes, the shark is listed last. Let me explain.
The film gets off to a JAWSTASTIC start with a POV shot of something swimming along the ocean floor. A local fisherman named Colorado (Eleazar Barcia) stands with a group of vacationing Americans and spins a yarn or two about the local shark population and how the Tintorera (Tiger Shark) scares the hell out of him. Way to boost tourism buddy! So the sharks presence is established, good, let’s move on to “The Boat” What is The Boat? It’s the hottest ticket in town. It litterly is a "drawer dropping ass smacking" magnet! Enter the super stud known as Steve (Hugo Stiglitz). The boat belongs to him of course, and he wastes no time rockin it (yes its bad pun day)! The first notch on his post is Patricia (70’s sex pot Fiona Lewis of Blue Blood which is discussed HERE), whom Steve picks up at beach-side club. After tagging her for what seems like an eternity, he says “I think I love you”, wow! Patricia’s pretty hot, but still. Anyways, I think I love you is not good enough for her, so she storms of and finds a new plug for her hole, Miguel!
Miguel is a local playboy whose bad move is to get punched out by jealous ex-boyfriends. Yep, he gets pounded by Steve after pounding Patricia. This of course causes her to run to his side and take him home for even more pounding. Poor Steve should have learned that that kind of bullshit doesn’t play after high school. Wait…where’s the shark?
Oh, you may have forgotten that this is a shark movie, let me remind you. Patricia goes out for a midnight swim after riding Miguel like the Kentucky Derby (Who does this?) Once she gets in the water, it’s all over. We are treated to the sexiest shark attack ever…trust me.
The two men are devastated upon find that Patricia has gone missing. So devastated in fact that they decide to become a tag team of testosterone! That’s right; they join forces in a quest to get women aboard the boat! Who will be the lucky meat in their stud sandwich? Enter gorgeous Susan George as Gabrella. The three spend their nights sexing it up aboard the boat. This must be what pisses the shark off, after all, there’s a lot of fish munching going on and he’s not getting any (Yes, I went there…but it was funny, don’t lie).
The sex goes on and occasionally someone gets eaten, like Priscilla Barnes, who is naked as a J-bird (never understood what that meant but I’ve always wanted to use it). Eventually, the jealous shark sees that the only he can get in on this action is to take out Miguel and put in an application as Steve’s new wing man! Probably sounded like a plan on paper but Steve the stud doesn’t take too well to his dead BFF (Best Fucking Friend) and sets out to kill the Tintorera!!!
Tintorera really wanted to be a skin flick and might have actually been one until JAWS came out. The shark plot of which it is sold on seems more like a footnote, it a symptom rather than the problem. The problem in this film is represented in the form of the dickish nature of the two “heroes”. The film isn’t bad but it depends on what you want. Of course if you want the movie depicted on the poster, you’d be mad. However, if you caught this as I did, on a Sunday afternoon while flipping channels, you might be drawn in. There are worse movies out there and at least this film has distractions to attempt to keep you interested. It may not be a good shark movie but at least it’s there’s no Crocosaurus in it.
Other Craptacular Shark Week Entries:
The Last Shark (1981) http://ow.ly/cUZo3
Return of the Italian Shark: Cruel Jaws (1995) http://ow.ly/cUZqC